Anti-dopamine parenting: part 3 – scripts for taming tech tantrums

Craft your conversations carefully to help children understand how dopamine effects them and avoid ‘tech tantrums’ with scripts from Sue Atkins.

In Anti-dopamine parenting: part 1 – breaking the cycle, I wrote about the impacts of dopamine and how to mitigate over-stimulation and in Anti-dopamine parenting: part 2 – sweets and screens, I wrote about positive ways to manage a child’s dopamine crash. In this final part of the Anti-dopamine parenting series, I wanted to give you a useful resource to help you talk to your children about the concept of a dopamine crash and how it relates to their device use.

These scripts are a guide to give you the confidence about what to say to help your child understand how dopamine affects them and why it’s important to have a healthy balance with technology. These three scripts focus on different age groups: toddlers, children between 6 and 10 years and young people between 12 and 18 years. However, they can be adapted to suit your child whatever age they are (and of course, you may need to adapt them depending on the responses your child gives!).

Script 1: Toddlers

This script is designed to be simple and engaging, using language and concepts that a toddler can easily understand. It emphasises positive alternatives to screen time and encourages a variety of activities to keep their brain happy and healthy.

Parent/carer: “Hi [toddler’s name], can we talk for a minute? I want to tell you something special about when we use our tablet or watch TV.”
Toddler: “OK!”
Parent/carer: “You know how you feel really happy when you’re watching your favourite show or playing a game on the tablet?”
Toddler: “Yes, I like it!”
Parent/carer: “That’s because your brain feels very excited when you do those things. It’s like your brain gets a big hug and feels very happy.”
Toddler: “I like feeling happy!”
Parent/carer: “I like it when you’re happy too! But sometimes, when we stop watching TV or put the tablet away, your brain might feel a bit sad or tired. That’s because it misses the happy feelings.”
Toddler: “Oh!”
Parent/carer: “It’s OK! This happens to everyone. But guess what? There are lots of other fun things we can do to help your brain feel happy again.”
Toddler: “Like what?”
Parent/carer: “Well, we can play with your toys, go outside and run around or read a book together. These things also make your brain happy, just in a different way.”
Toddler: “I like playing outside!”
Parent/carer: “Me too! And we can also draw pictures, play with your blocks or even dance to some music. These fun things will help your brain stay happy and healthy.”
Toddler: “Can we play now?”
Parent/carer: “Of course! Let’s put away the tablet for a while and do something fun together. How about we go outside and play with the ball?”
Toddler: “Yay, let’s go!”
Parent/carer: “Remember, it’s OK to watch shows or play games, but we need to take breaks and do other fun things too. That way, your brain stays happy and strong.”
Toddler: “OK!”
Parent/carer: “Great! Let’s have some fun together. I love playing with you!”

Script 2: 6-10 year olds

This conversation helps explain the concept of dopamine and its effects in a simple, relatable way. It encourages children to engage in a variety of activities, promoting a balanced and healthy lifestyle.

Parent/carer: “Hey [child’s name], can we talk for a minute? I want to tell you something interesting about how our brains work when we use devices like tablets, phones and when we play video games.”
Child: “OK.”
Parent/carer: “Have you ever noticed how excited you feel when you’re playing your favourite game or watching a cool video?”
Child: “Yeah, I really like it! It’s so much fun.”
Parent/carer: “That excitement you feel is because of a special chemical in your brain called dopamine. Dopamine is like a happy signal that your brain sends out when you’re doing something you enjoy. It’s why you feel so good when you’re playing games or watching videos.”
Child: “Wow, I didn’t know that!”
Parent/carer: “But there’s something else you should know. When you spend a lot of time on your device and then stop, your brain sometimes feels a bit sad or tired because it wants more of that happy feeling. This is called a dopamine crash.”
Child: “A dopamine crash? What’s that?”
Parent/carer: “It’s when your brain doesn’t get as much dopamine as it did when you were playing or watching something. It can make you feel bored or upset when you stop using your device. It’s normal to feel this way, but it’s important to find other fun things to do that can also make you happy, like playing outside, drawing, reading or talking to your friends.”
Child: “So, it’s like my brain is missing the fun?”
Parent/carer: “Exactly. That’s why we need to balance our screen time with other activities. Too much screen time can make it harder for our brain to enjoy other things. By doing a variety of activities, you can keep your brain happy and healthy.”
Child: “But I really like my games and videos.”
Parent/carer: “I know you do, and it’s OK to enjoy them. We just need to make sure we’re not using them too much. How about we set a fun schedule together? We can plan some screen time and also include other activities you love. This way, you won’t feel a big crash and you’ll have lots of different things to look forward to.”
Child: “OK, that sounds good. Can we do some drawing later?”
Parent/carer: “Absolutely! Let’s make a list of all the fun things we can do. Remember, the key is to keep our brain happy by mixing things up. You’re doing really brilliantly, and I’m proud of you for understanding this!”

Script 3: 12-18  year olds

This script aims to create an open, understanding conversation about dopamine crashes and encourages teenagers to find a healthy balance between screen time and other activities.

Parent/carer: “Hey [teen’s name], do you have a few minutes to chat about something important? I promise it’s not a lecture, just something that might help us understand each other better.”
Teen: “Sure, what’s up?”
Parent/carer: “I’ve noticed you’ve been spending a lot of time on your phone and computer lately – and I get it. Games, social media and videos are really great fun. But I want to talk about something called the dopamine crash and how it might be affecting you.”
Teen: “The dopamine crash? What’s that?”
Parent/carer: “Dopamine is a chemical in our brains that makes us feel good. When you’re playing games, scrolling through social media or watching videos, your brain releases a lot of dopamine, which makes you feel happy and excited. But when you stop, the sudden drop in dopamine levels can leave you feeling bored, tired or even a bit down. This is what we call a dopamine crash.”
Teen: “I guess I have felt that way sometimes.”
Parent/carer: “It’s totally normal. Everyone experiences it to some extent, especially with the way technology is designed to keep us engaged. The thing is, too much screen time and those frequent dopamine crashes can make it harder for you to enjoy other things, like hobbies, sport or even just hanging out with your friends.”
Teen: “So, what do I do about it?”
Parent/carer: “The key is balance. It’s not about giving up your phone or games completely, but about finding a healthier way to enjoy them.
Here are a few tips that might help all of us – myself included:

• Set realistic limits: Let’s agree on a reasonable amount of screen time each day. This way, you still get to enjoy your favourite activities, but it won’t be the only thing you do.
• Plan breaks: Take regular breaks during screen time to do something else you enjoy. Maybe go for a walk, play a sport or even just chat with a friend.
• Mix activities: Find other activities that make you happy. Reading, drawing, playing an instrument or cooking can be great alternatives that also boost your mood without relying on screens.
• Physical exercise: Staying active is one of the best ways to naturally increase dopamine. Whether it’s going for a run, playing a sport or even just dancing around your room, exercise can help keep your brain happy.
• Mindfulness and relaxation: Sometimes, practicing mindfulness or relaxation techniques can help manage those feelings of boredom or restlessness. Things like deep breathing, meditation or yoga can be really effective.

Teen: “I guess that makes sense. But what if I get bored without my phone?”
Parent/carer: “It’s normal to feel that way at first. It might take some time to adjust, but I promise, it gets easier. You might even discover new interests or hobbies that you really enjoy. Plus, we can work it out together. I’m here to help you find a balance that works for you.”
Teen: “OK, I’ll give it a try. Can we come up with a plan together?”
Parent/carer: “Absolutely. Let’s sit down and make a plan that includes your screen time and other activities you enjoy. And remember, this isn’t about taking away your fun, but about making sure you feel good and stay healthy in the long run.”
Teen: “Thanks for explaining it. I’ll try to keep it balanced.”
Parent/carer: “I appreciate that. We’ll work on it together, and I’m always here to talk if you’re feeling frustrated or need some support. We’re a team in this!”

Summary

Of course, I hope your children are as open and understanding as in my scripts (fingers crossed). They are only an example of how the conversation might go, but at least you have some ideas around what to say to get the conversation started.

Like everything with parenting – it’s about continual, consistent conversations as your kids grow and mature.

​