An essential read for every educator to remind them why what they do matters and to help them better understand and support children with adverse childhood experiences (ACE).
Reviewed by Kat Cauchi
I started reading Because of You, This is Me and was surprised that it started with a real gut punch:
“The call came after midnight. On the same day I was booked to do seventeen TV and radio interviews promoting BBC’s The Apprentice, I had to go identify my brother’s body.”
…From this point on, I could not put Ampaw-Farr’s book down.
Because of You, This is Me is the most powerful and important book I have read in a very long time.
I’m not ashamed to say that I cried a few times reading this text. It serves as a very important reminder of why every educator does what they do – and the importance of being compassionate and consistent.
The book takes you through Ampaw-Farr’s childhood experiencing abuse, neglect and living in poverty – to now as a writer international speaker and global voice in leadership, resilience and humanising culture. Because of You, This is Me is both harrowing and inspiring in equal measure. A key focus of the book is how the support of five ‘everyday heroes’ changed Jaz’s story, stopping her being ‘destined to be a statistic’. Importantly, these everyday heroes are all educators.
How is the book structured?
The book opens with a detailed picture of Ampaw -Farr’s background. The bulk of the book is then split into five main chapters, each focusing on an individual everyday hero from the different stages of Jaz’s education, from primary school through to university. Each everyday hero chapter is wrapped up with key lessons to take from that person such as, ‘Be human first’, ‘Rebrand resilience’, ‘Say goodbye to should stories’.
Following these main chapters are the following sections:
- The Power of Everyday Heroes – a summary of how Ampaw-Farr got where she is and how the support of those everyday heroes contributed.
- Last Words – Here, Ampaw-Farr talks about the lasting impact of her experiences and how she is still impacted by imposter syndrome. But she also shares the wonderful news of her honorary degree of ‘Doctor of the University’ from Bishop Grosseteste University!
- Courageous conversations – Covering why conversations about child abuse, neglect and poverty are so important, and some statistics that show just how many of your students may need their own ‘everyday hero’.
- Letter to Eight-Year-Old-Me – A heartfelt message from Ampaw-Farr now to herself as a child, a letter detailing what she would love to go back and tell her 8-year-old self.
- To The Survivors Reading These Words – A final powerful message to those who need to hear it.
- References
- About The Author
- Let’s Chat
What does the book teach us?
About lived experiences
Firstly, lived experiences of child abuse, neglect and child poverty. Reading this in Ampaw-Farr’s own words gives a really important insight and, while every individual’s experience is different, it still teaches us some important ways educators can show up for their students. Ampaw-Farr helps us understand that, even where school is a safe place, it isn’t enough for those without a safe home because of the disconnect that forces children to live two different lives.
The book teaches us to look deeper. For example, it talks about the importance of thinking about how a gesture that is well intentioned could have a negative impact. For example, Mr Williams did the stamps secretly on the book club book so Ampaw-Farr could purchase a book, because he knew Jaz would be embarrassed if he talked to her about them directly.
A strategy Ampaw-Farr teaches us that I really loved was the ‘SHIELD’ acronym (pg.33) – where you identify six things that protect and sustain you when ‘life knocks you over’.
Are our systems serving our students?
It might also help educators notice students’ behaviours and frame them a little differently. It makes you think more about our behaviour systems – how we are responding to the what when we should be responding to the why and supporting students with emotional dysregulation.
Speaking of systems, Ampaw-Farr reflects on her secondary school experience and how there was a focus on compliance and obedience. For example, rather than a greeting upon a student’s arrival to school that made them feel you were happy they were there, they were instead greeted with harsh comments about uniform regulation, complaints for ‘forgetting pens’ and that students were being asked to basically ‘be accountable for their down disadvantages’. This kind of behaviour is asking children to be responsible for things that aren’t in their control.
For Ampaw-Farr, she explained that GCSEs were not what she needed and her Es at A-Level were actually a huge achievement for her because she actually showed up, completed her course and sat her exams. But for many in academia, those E grades were seen as a failure. After ringing round a variety of universities, she realised that, in a Scottish accent, ‘Es’ sounded like ‘As’ so used this accent when calling the next university on her list, just to be given the chance to show that she deserved the opportunity of a university education. She managed to convince her interviewer as such too.
This leaves us with an important question though: are we actually preparing students for the future and giving them what they need? Through our focus on attainment, we tell students they ‘aren’t good enough’. It shows how our grading system just really isn’t reflective of the challenges and progress of individuals, that it simply doesn’t measure their tenacity or their kindness. Are we actually serving our most vulnerable students?
Thinking a little differently
Because of You, This is Me teaches the reader a lot about inclusion and representation and to think a little bit differently. For example, imagine you set a task asking children to share what they did at the weekend. On the surface, you might think this is a nice opportunity for children to talk about their lives outside of school. But what about those children who spent their entire weekend just wishing they were at school? What about those children who had a weekend they can’t even bring themselves to talk about or don’t know how to put into words? Or maybe they just don’t want to talk about how they spent another weekend at home while their friends went on holiday or to the cinema or suchlike. It’s much more divisive and triggering than you may think.
Positive lessons for educators
Some of the incredibly positive lessons this book teaches are:
- How kindness can have a ripple effect
- That consistency is incredibly powerful in building trust
- How belief and trust In students such as giving them some responsibility can in turn lead to trust in teachers
- That specific praise is meaningful
- How continued small acts of kindness build
- That showing up matters
- We can teach compassion
- We can replace judgement with curiosity.
Be your students’ biggest cheerleader – this doesn’t have to be a grand gesture, it’s just about noticing and recognising their success in its many different forms.
“In today’s high-pressure education system, it’s easy to forget the most powerful thing you can do for a child is simply show up. The same way. Every day. Without fanfare. Without judgement. With belief.” (pg.90)
Reality check
Ampaw Farr’s book shares some statistics around child abuse, child neglect and child poverty (as they were at the time of writing). I wanted to share a few of these here to really illustrate (if I haven’t convinced you already) why you need to read this book and just how relevant it is.
- 30% of all children in the UK in relatively low-income households. (pg.150)
- Around 1 in10 children in the UK have been neglected. (pg.151)
- An estimated 1 in 10 children in England and Wales are sexually abused before the age of 16 and more than two thirds of survivors do not disclose their abuse at the time. (pg.151)
- 80% of children who end up permanently excluded from school are already facing the greatest challenges – poverty, social care involvement or additional learning needs. 11% are juggling all three. (pgs.88-89)
Summary
This book is an essential read for every educator. Because of You, This is Me is not only an educational force, but it reminds everyone in education that, “Your work changes lives.” (pg.145)
Reference
Ampaw-Farr, J. (2025) Because of You This is Me. Crown House Publishing.
