The second of a two-part article on supporting adults to have healthy relationships with their devices and online activity, from Andrew Cowley.
In part 1 of this piece, we discussed obsessive behaviours and the notion of false realities created through adult use of social media. Here, we will consider some further potential problems arising from irresponsible use of devices. We are concerned here with the behaviour of adults, as if we want to better safeguard children and young people on their devices, we have to look at ourselves first.
Antagonistic and controversial behaviour
The July 2024, the UK General Election saw a proliferation of controversial posts – some designed to provoke debate, others to provoke angry responses. Issues such as immigration, particularly using divisive language such as ‘Stop the boats’ often descended into abusive language, pile-on responses and trolling. ‘Blue tick’ or verified accounts from political parties and prominent individuals were sometimes at the root of such posts.
In the field of educational social media, what may start as a healthy debate and a source of sharing ideas can often descend into rude responses and then spiral further into manipulative answers (otherwise known as gaslighting) which can include someone intentionally taking a counter position of trolling.
Typical issues which can lead to confrontation include behaviour management, the curriculum and pedagogical practices. Only on platforms such as Twitter/X might we see the tribal division of ‘traditional’ and ‘progressive’ teachers, with each labelling the other as ‘the opposition’ or ‘the enemy’ as if it’s a binary question. Ask a teacher in real life and they will have no idea what ‘traditional’ and ‘progressive’ even means.
How gaslighting manipulates reality
Gaslighting in real life or on social media is abusive or manipulative behaviour designed to sow the seeds of self-doubt and confusion. It is a form of psychological bullying. The constant repetition of an untruth, as we discussed in part 1 with the cases of Nicola Bulley and Jay Slater, can turn a lie into a false truth. We saw this in the UK in July 2024 with the tragedy of the Southport stabbings being manipulated by a false internet report about the perpetrator. The subsequent riots and disorder shows just how quickly such misinformation can spread – and, of even greater concern, how many adults believe it. Gaslighting manipulates reality. It can also lead, as social media has done in the mentioned riots, to scapegoating and coercive behaviours.
It is interesting to consider the behaviour of individuals within a social media group. Community Facebook groups are often set up with the best of intentions, particularly those that were established at the start of the UK lockdown in March 2020. In the summer, I was invited to administer my local group after the founder moved away from the area. It was enlightening to see how discussions about the local bakery taking individual orders soon descended into a debate about dog mess on the pavement and children hanging around outside the Co-Op. Similarly, with WhatsApp groups (the bane of many a headteacher’s life), the dynamics of the group can be manipulated by one or two individuals who draw attention to their perceived issues, which can draw in others. This can lead to malicious, vindictive and vexatious comments aimed at the school, an individual teacher, other parents or children. DM groups on any social media app can also be used in the same way.
If parents are engaged in gaslighting, trolling and organised ‘pile-ons’, children will be aware of this. What they see, they may repeat.
A recent report from the Church of England suggests social media ‘triggers’ behaviours and is making us ‘stupid’ and that we’re not ‘considering the consequences of what we read’. 1 The disorder which followed the Southport tragedy, which distracted from the grief of families and the community in Southport, is a clear example of what the Church of England meant here.
Mocking, blocking and socking
Mocking is a behaviour used to either get a quick kick out of belittling someone or by those with further bullying in mind. There was a time when many people would share their daily Wordle score on social media. This has rather dried up after posts from non-followers smirking at the number of attempts or at perceived errors. Whilst the poster may think this a little harmless fun, there is no consideration of the impact on the recipient. Hashtagging is a recognised way of engaging others in posts or starting a trend (for example, #Olympics2024) and a click on the hashtag will take us to other relevant material. We can find though that some hashtags are mocked and belittled, which has happened in some education discussions.
Blocking should be something reserved for accounts which have been rude, offensive or threatening to others, but what if someone is blocked who has never interacted with the blockee? Blocking in this way is neither a neutral or defensive act but one which says “I don’t want you reading my posts” as much as “I don’t want you interacting with me” in a form of censorship. There is a broadcaster who is known for blocking thousands of accounts, particularly of teachers, who boasts about blocking tens of thousands of other users. On one hand, this limits their network to an echo chamber of similarly minded people, and on the other, they must have looked at the account to block them in the first place, which is slightly sinister.
More alarming is the use of so called ‘sock-puppet’ accounts often used to get around a block. These are employed either to continue arguments and confrontation, or to screenshot posts they wouldn’t otherwise have access to, often accompanied by the message that it had been sent by a friend. To set up alternative accounts is, again, an example of obsessive and manipulative behaviours that many adults are able to engage in because the technology allows it.
Where do we go from here?
Whilst there are many positive aspects to fast-paced and instant technology, we need to educate adults about its use before we educate our children and young people. We need to consider the example they are being set by their parents and their teachers. Online behaviours that can have negative impacts on wellbeing include: abusive messaging, reading and sharing fake news/realities and being ‘permanently online’, to name a few.
For every person involved in the negative aspects of digital life, there are others who rarely post, or when they do, are considerate, compassionate and empathetic. Perhaps these are the people who considered our earlier question: Do we control our phones, or do our phones control us?
Author
Andrew Cowley is an experienced former primary school teacher and DHT. He now coaches mental health leaders for Carnegie Centre of Excellence at Leeds Beckett University and is the author of 'The Wellbeing Toolkit', 'The Wellbeing Curriculum' and the forthcoming 'The School Mental Health Toolkit'.
