How can you help your colleague who is in peri/menopause? Find out with Helen Clare.
The wild shifts in our oestrogen levels as we go through perimenopause and into menopause affect many different part of our bodies and brains. Changes in our brains mean we can experience brain fog, mood swings, memory loss, fatigue. Oestrogen receptors all over our bodies can lead to a variety of pain and discomforts – including joint pain, allergies, heart palpitations, skin sensations alongside many other symptoms. And that’s before we start talking about menstrual mayhem and other toilet troubles!
We’re all different. We’re going to experience different patterns and severity of symptoms – and of course, we’re going to experience them all in the context of our own unique lives.
10 ways to support your colleagues in peri/menopause
Schools can be particularly challenging environments in which to go through menopause. The work can be stressful, demanding, emotionally challenging – and we don’t usually have the freedom to respond to the changing demands of our bodies and brains as we might wish to.
It’s often necessary for us to work with school leaders to put adjustments in place to enable us to keep on doing our jobs to the best of our ability, without sacrificing our health. But all our colleagues can help too.
Here are just some of the ways you can support your colleagues in peri/menopause:
1. Make the effort
Take some time to find out a little more about it – particularly some of the impacts on our brains, emotions and energy levels. There are an increasing number of books, blogs, and TV programmes, and people like me talking about it on our socials.
2. Take the backseat
Be aware that some of us want to talk about it (and some of us never shut up about it) but others may want to keep it private. It’s great if you’re open to that conversation, but you might want to let us lead it.
3. Provide relief
We don’t need you to know about all the icky stuff – but please be aware that sometimes for various reasons we do need to get to the loo! There are times we may need someone to relieve us. Yes, that pun is intentional.
4. Come back later
Try not to put us on the spot. Lots of conversations in schools happen on the hoof – because we’re all busy. We don’t always process information or make decisions as quickly as we did, particularly if we’ve got a lot on our minds. It may be easier for us to have time to think and come back to you later.
5. Back up information
Help us to manage our memory load. Our memories may not be as good as they used to be – although the evidence suggests that premenopausal women have better memories than men. There’s a lot to remember in a school, and the less we have to remember the more successfully we’ll remember it. If you can back up information by email that’s very helpful.
6. Be patient
Please don’t look at us as if we’re gaga if we forget words. It happens. Give us a moment and we’ll get it back – or find a different one. If we feel anxious or self-conscious about it, it’ll get worse!
7. Respect our boundaries
As we go through this transition it’s likely that we’ll be giving thought to the way we prioritise our own needs. You might notice us being slightly less accommodating. We’re not being mean – just putting in boundaries so that we can continue to do our best work.
8. Give us time
Sometimes we need some time alone just to ground ourselves and to manage our mood and energy levels. That time can be tough to carve out in a busy school, so if we manage to find some, please let us keep it.
9. You know what they say about assumption…
Assume nothing. Peri/menopause is a hugely individual experience – and it isn’t fair or equal. People who have adverse childhood experiences, who are neurodiverse or have pre-existing health conditions have a tougher time. So do those of us dealing with fertility grief. Our race and culture can make a big difference to our experience – as can being part of any group that experiences discrimination, or about whom people can make assumptions.
10. Be empathetic
Be aware that quite often people struggle with peri/menopause for a long time before they seek support from their employers or colleagues. During that time, they may have felt isolated, frustrated and powerless. Emotions can run high. A little extra empathy is sometimes necessary.
Summary
And of course, it’s not all bad news. Increasingly perimenopause is seen as a ‘re-wiring project’ for the brain. Our brains do eventually settle down once they are supplied with consistent levels of hormones. Some people even find that they are more focussed, more creative and calmer than ever before – although it has to be said that this usually comes alongside increased assertiveness.
But even before they reach ‘the other side’, your perimenopausal colleagues have a lot of talent, experience and dedication to offer. It’s worth making the effort to look after them!
Author
Helen helps schools and teachers deal with perimenopause and menopause so that they can focus on the learners they care about. She wants to see all teachers in the classroom working to the best of their ability without a cost to their own wellbeing.
